So Glad I Have What I Have

D went down to the bus stop last week and one of the neighborhood boys a year younger than him was sporting a self-inflicted ear piercing. Of course, instead of being impressed like he hoped I would be, all I could think of to say was, "Dude, that's really red. Does your mom know you did that?"

So, here stands a third grader being all "cool" with his new ear ring. I'm old enough to still believe that earrings are for girls! Even D focused in on the potential infection once I said that. I hoped that it turned something that was supposed to have a high "cool effect" into a "gosh, I hope his ear doesn't fall off" moment.

So, now, guess what we're going to talk about for Family Home Evening next week? We'll be hauling out the New Era and Ensign articles about piercings and tattoos. I'm so very grateful for the words of the prophets and other leaders. Really, it makes my job as a parent easier. Instead of saying, "You're not getting a tattoo or ear ring because I SAID SO!" We can sit down and have a discussion about what's right and how our bodies are sacred temples that should not be defaced.

I can't imagine parenting without a purpose. By that I mean swimming around making arbitrary decisions based on my personal opinion and nothing else. Instead of saying "No" for the sake of saying "no", I can say, "No... and here's why". Then we can talk about what the Lord expects of us and the children have the opportunity to feel the Spirit as they seek confirmation to what we've taught them. They won't always go pray about it because their humanity will try to overcome their spirits. But, they will know what's right and hopefully that will touch them enough to at least bother them a bit if they make the wrong choice.

N used to have a nice CTR ring - which, of course he lost because children eventually lose everything - including their mother's sanity - but, he wore it to school all through the 4th grade. His 4th grade teacher - a single non-LDS 20-something asked him about the ring and said it was COOL! When N explained what it meant, his teacher asked if N could get him one. So, guess what the teacher got at the end of the year?! I'm so glad that we can teach our kids what the RIGHT is in the Choose The Right. This teacher is now with the Peace Corps in China and I hope he's still wearing the ring and choosing the right even though he may not always understand "the right".

Really, the gospel makes your job as a parent much easier. You can turn to heavenly resources to help you teach your children what is right. A great plan.

Good-Bye, Brother...

Well, the EEG showed no significant brain activity beyond the seizures he's suffering from the brain swelling. So, his son and his brothers and his father will put on their white shirts tonight and give him a blessing that gives him permission to go home to our Father in Heaven. Then his ventilator will be turned off and he'll be made comfortable. We hope he chooses to leave quickly. From what some have felt, he's ready to go now, he just can't get out of his body because of the life support.

I'm grateful for the plan of salvation and the eternal nature of families. I'm also grateful that we have a merciful and loving God who let Dave leave before the ALS robbed him of all his dignity. It's a horrible disease to die from. This was merciful, although still hard.

We'll miss you, Dave.

Blessings Disguised...

I spoke very briefly here about my BIL who is suffering from ALS. He was able to leave the hospital last Thursday after being there for 6 weeks after he had a feeding tube and ventilator put in. He was looking forward to going home, finally. He was also looking forward to getting married in October.

Well, his first night at home was rough and on Friday morning, he suffered heart failure. He was without a heart beat for too many minutes and when they finally got him back, they were concerned about brain damage.

His body was cooled down to about 87 degrees for 24 hours to try to stop any further damage to his brain. Today, they did some external tests to check for brain activity. Tomorrow they will do an EEG to test for brain wave activity. It's not looking good... He didn't flinch in pain when they poked him and his pupils didn't react when they shined a light into them.

Devestating is the only word I can come up with. This was completely unexpected at ALS does not affect your heart or brain. So, who could have imagined it would be his heart and brain that would be his undoing?

Is this a blessing in disguise? ALS is a long, slow death where your working brain eventually gets trapped inside a body that is unable to even open it's eyelids. Eventually you die of respiratory failure.

But, Dave just laid back and passed out. How simple. Is this a sign from a loving God that Dave had suffered his disease with dignity and faith and Heavenly Father said, "Well, done, my son. Come home to Me. I'm giving you the easy path." His angel mother may have pleaded on his behalf to let him leave the earth swiftly and without further suffering.

We may not know the answer to this in this life. It may not even be the end of his life right now. Further tests need to be done tomorrow. But, if it is his time to go, we must look at the blessing of it all through the tears of grief. The timing was not right for our earthly desires, but we know that our timing isn't God's timing.

I also have to believe that a loving Heavenly Father will not leave his dear, sweet Fiancee without the blessings of being with him eternally should she choose that. God loves us and does not punish us for righteous desires. It doesn't make it any easier right now. But thankfully we can look at it - eventually - with eternal eyes.

What Ere' Thou Art {Look} Well Thy Part

I have always loved the "What Ere Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part" that President Kimball used to talk about. It was something he saw on his mission in Great Britain and it had a profound effect on his life.

I'm altering it a little to say "What Ere Thou Art, LOOK Well Thy Part" because I have known way too many kids who looked one way and acted another. Most of the time, it was a disservice to themselves but they didn't realize it.

Many years ago when we were newlyweds, Mark was the Young Men's president in our ward. There was a young man in the ward who was probably the NICEST boy you'd ever meet. He was polite and respectful and interacted well with adults. I used to tell Mark that I hoped our children (when we had them) would grow up to be like this young man. Even though there was more than 10 years between he and Mark, he ended up becoming a treasured friend that we still run into occasionally.

This young man did not look well his part, though. Despite his wonderful demeanor and personality, he looked like someone who had just come down from the mountains. Sometimes it bordered on the "UnaBomber" look - long scraggly hair, grungy clothes and a scrubby beard. People immediately judged him to be a no-respect loser. I used to think, "B, you aren't doing yourself any favors with that look!" You might say, "Well, people shouldn't judge." But honestly, we make judgments every day. This young man looked like he should be holding a sign begging on the side of the road more than he looked like the nice young man he was. If I didn't know him, what WAS I supposed to think about him???

I see the same thing with young women - nice girls who don't dress like nice girls. Why would you want someone to think you're not a nice girl? People make judgments about who you are by how you're dressed - PERIOD. That will never change no matter how hard we wish it would.

Honestly, I'll admit, I'm ULTRA bugged by the LDS "stars" (especially the dancing ones) who wear not a single stitch of clothes more than the the other non-LDS girls. Seriously, how hard is it to make at least an attempt at covering your private parts?? You don't have to dress like an Amish woman, but you could easily say, "Hey, I'd like to have that neckline a little higher, please." I have the utmost respect for Charlene Wells and the other pageant girls who have worn 1 piece suits and gowns with sleeves and backs despite the pressure to do otherwise.

As for me - I want people to notice that I dress nicely BUT that I also cover those things which should be covered. I buy my sleeves just a little longer. I make sure I find white blouses that don't reveal everything under them and I make sure that when I sit down, that I don't have to fight my skirt or shorts to keep everything under wraps. It's really not that hard to do. How I look should match my attitude and belief system. I am grateful for a mother who taught me that from the time I was small. I have always tried to "Look Well My Part" and will teach our boys to do the same.

Attention Utah Drivers...

That sign on the side of the freeway with the big numbers on it is informing you of a SPEED LIMIT. Let's define the word LIMIT... generally, it means that that's the MOST you can have or do. So, if the speed LIMIT sign has a big 6 and 5 on it, the law is saying that the FASTEST you can drive is 65 mph.

I just returned from a week in the lovely state of Utah and I followed my future sister-in-law from Salt Lake City to Roy one evening. She finally called me on my cell phone and said, "I don't see you. Where are you?" I told her I was trying to strike a balance between keeping up with her and following the law (my NORMAL state of driving). So, while she was careening down the road at warp speed, I was plugging along uncomfortably at about 70 mph with the voices of my kids (who weren't with me) in me head echoing their normal , "Mommy, how fast are you going?" She said, "Okay, you pass me and we'll go your speed. I'll try not to tail-gate you."

What is it with Utahns and speed? Seriously, there are laws people and we should be following them. Read the 12th Article of Faith if you need a little reminder. Slow down... but not as much as my father-in-law who has (and I'm not kidding) been pulled over TWICE on I-15 for driving TOO SLOW. Go figure - they'll stop the slow ones. Maybe the cops can't catch the rest.

Even one of my Utah brother-in-laws mentioned that he found it refreshing when they came to visit us this summer that people weren't speeding like crazy through Seattle. I said, "We have cops who know how to stop people - and they do."

The Gassy Elephant and the Dying Cat

So, N started middle school this year and that means BAND! He has taken piano since he was 6 and we swapped piano lessons for 6th grade band this year. So, after three days of "evaluation", the band teacher recommended he play one of three instruments - Trombone, French Horn and TUBA! So, guess which one my smallish child selected? Why, the one most impossible for him to carry - THE TUBA! I figure the band teacher has it out for me - even though he doesn't know me. He happily sent a tuba home for the family to enjoy.

So, the day he brought it home, his friend across the street also brought home his instrument of choice - the clarinet. They went out in the front yard and gave the neighborhood a concert - the best concert a couple of 6th grade boys with all of three days of band class under their belts could give. And, it was a perfect interpretation of a very gassy elephant a cat dying a horrible death.

Tell me it can only get better...

SISSSSSTERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In August we spent the week at Cub Scout Day Camp. I volunteered for a couple of days. There were 150 cubs there and probably only a handful of them were LDS.

Being the Bishop's Wife (my label), all the little scouts would greet me each day - sometimes from across the field I would hear, "HI SISTER G!!!!" It reminded me of being in downtown Seattle with Young Women several years ago. They were all strung out behind me and when I would get too far ahead or one of them wanted to stop and look, they would yell, "SISTER G!!!!!!!". I wondered how many people around me were thinking, "Huh. She doesn't look like a nun."

The whole "Brother" and "Sister" thing baffles outsiders at times. It's so natural to us. My kids sometimes have trouble when they know a school teacher is LDS - they don't know how to address them because their natural inclination is to call them "Brother Jones" or "Sister Smith" not "Mister Jones" and "Mrs Smith".

Then there's the whole "what do you call your Bishop when you're hanging out with him" thing. That's always sort of humorous to listen to how people handle it. "Mark. Uh, Bishop. Uhhhh, Mark?" But that's a whole different topic...