Sunday, October 17, 2010

Courageous Parenting

This talk by Larry R. Lawrence at General Conference was one of the best talks on parenting I have ever heard.  Much of what he speaks about is already how we parent - right down to disallowing sleep-overs for the very reasons he cited.  We have many non-negotiables at our house that we have to enforce with courage because they are often unpopular with our kids.  It's not easy and often, it's not pleasant to have to deal with the arguing that ensues when we enforce the rules.  We try to explain why things are that way, but adolescents often don't want the explanation, they just want to argue with you about the rule in an effort to wear you down so you'll change it.    

Every parent should use this talk as a resource.  These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.


Courageous Parenting

This talk by Larry R. Lawrence at General Conference was one of the best talks on parenting I have ever heard.  Much of what he speaks about is already how we parent - right down to disallowing sleep-overs for the very reasons he cited.  We have many non-negotiables at our house that we have to enforce with courage because they are often unpopular with our kids.  It's not easy and often, it's not pleasant to have to deal with the arguing that ensues when we enforce the rules.  We try to explain why things are that way, but adolescents often don't want the explanation, they just want to argue with you about the rule in an effort to wear you down so you'll change it.    

Every parent should use this talk as a resource.  These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.


Courageous Parenting

This talk by Larry R. Lawrence at General Conference was one of the best talks on parenting I have ever heard.  Much of what he speaks about is already how we parent - right down to disallowing sleep-overs for the very reasons he cited.  We have many non-negotiables at our house that we have to enforce with courage because they are often unpopular with our kids.  It's not easy and often, it's not pleasant to have to deal with the arguing that ensues when we enforce the rules.  We try to explain why things are that way, but adolescents often don't want the explanation, they just want to argue with you about the rule in an effort to wear you down so you'll change it.    

Every parent should use this talk as a resource.  These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.


Courageous Parenting

This talk by Larry R. Lawrence at General Conference was one of the best talks on parenting I have ever heard.  Much of what he speaks about is already how we parent - right down to disallowing sleep-overs for the very reasons he cited.  We have many non-negotiables at our house that we have to enforce with courage because they are often unpopular with our kids.  It's not easy and often, it's not pleasant to have to deal with the arguing that ensues when we enforce the rules.  We try to explain why things are that way, but adolescents often don't want the explanation, they just want to argue with you about the rule in an effort to wear you down so you'll change it.    

Every parent should use this talk as a resource.  These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.


Monday, October 11, 2010

We believe in being honest...

Being frugal is almost an Olympic Sport for some Mormons.  I'm one of those.  Nothing feels better than not paying full price for something.  I will often tell my husband that he should be happy that I'm so cheap and low-maintenance - which he is, because he's just as cheap.  

Consequently, I have "Liked" a lot of pages at Facebook and followed a lot of blogs that alert me when products and services are on fantastic sales.  I have scored free magazine subscriptions, half-price Christmas gifts, restaurant coupons, etc. at these sites.  I have also joined The Grocery Game and make it my goal to try to come out of the store on Monday morning having saved 50% on my groceries.  The other day, I bragged on Facebook that I had saved 100% on my trip to Albertsons.  Of course, I bought a can of soup that was on sale for a dollar with a coupon from Albertson's good for one dollar off my next visit.  The receipt said, "TOTAL SAVINGS: 100%" and I was THRILLED!  

The benefit of our cheapness is that we are well on track for our retirement savings and college savings for kids.  I always look at families who have lots of fancy toys and expensive clothes and wonder if they have their retirement saved or their kids' college paid for.  They are often selling their future for some expensive stuff today.  We refuse to do that and are always looking for ways to save.  We don't just live WITHIN our means, we live BENEATH our means so we can save money for the future.  

That being said, I think there's a fine line between "frugal" and "dishonest".  The 13th Article of Faith starts out, "We believe in being honest...." and, one of the Temple Recommend questions ask if you are honest in your dealings.  To me, that means we are required to live in total honesty even when it costs us money or time.  There is no excuse for being a "little" dishonest to save money.  

Last week I saw a frugal blog post discount codes for a company.  This company was offering something with a retail value of nearly $30 free for NEW CUSTOMERS.  So, the blog owner recommended you use every email address and computer in your house to get as many of these FREE codes as possible.  Then, she posted a bunch of half-price codes for the same company and suggested the same for those.  Many women were thanking her on the comments section for such GREAT DEALS.  I'll admit, as a business owner, this really made me cranky.  Those codes all clearly stated "ONE PER HOUSEHOLD" and I know that the free product was meant for NEW CUSTOMERS to try out their company with the hopes they would then come back later and pay full price.  How long do you think that company can stay in business if it gives all their products away to people who are "gaming" the system with multiple email addresses?  It crosses the line between frugal and dishonest.

A few years ago, I sat in a Relief Society class about being frugal and listened to someone talk about saving money on groceries.  She said she loved it when a store was out of a product that was on a fantastic sale and she had to get a rain check.  Let's say it was 6 oz. regular Crest Toothpaste that was on sale for a dollar with a normal retail price of $2.49.  She said the store would usually just write, "Crest Toothpaste" and "$1 per tube" on the Raincheck.  Then, she would wait until the sale was over and go back to the store and get the ultra-whitening super large size Crest toothpaste that might be $4.49 a tube instead of the cheaper, smaller size that had been on sale.  She sang the praises of how FRUGAL and smart that was.  But, I sat there wondering if anyone else was as uncomfortable as I was about the dishonesty of that.  She KNEW which toothpaste it was and should have gotten THAT toothpaste. Actually, that same store now writes very detailed info on their rain checks - probably because they figured out that some were being dishonest when they redeemed them.     

So, as I look for good deals to save my family money, I will also consider the honesty of them.  I'm all for getting something free or at a steep discount, but if I have to lie or cheat the system to get more than my share, then I'll stop at one and walk away.  I would hate to stand before God and have to answer as to why I needed to get two of something that cost $30 when one was all the company was really offering me.  I will not sell my integrity for frugality.  


Sunday, May 16, 2010

LDS.org - New Era Article - Are Mormons Christians?

I loved this book when it came out several years ago. I recently had a discussion with some people about this very thing. They used the closed cannon of Scripture argument. When I pointed out that the book of Revelations was written BEFORE some of the gospels and therefore discredited those books with the same scripture they were using to dismiss the Book of Mormon, they got strangely quiet.

They also said that it was clear that there were to be no more prophets to the world. How strange to me. My Heavenly Father loves me as much as he did the people in ancient times and, given the state of the world, we need prophets more now than ever. I can't imagine God leaving us to our own devices.

LDS.org - New Era Article - Are Mormons Christians?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Sacred Grove + Hill Cumorah + Easter Sunday = A Great Spring Break!

We are headed East for Spring Break and on Easter Sunday, we will watch the first session of conference at a local chapel and then head to the Sacred Grove and Cumorah.  I can't think of a better place to be on such a sacred day.  

Of course, after starting the week off at the place the Gospel of Jesus Christ was restored, we will end it hanging out in South Bend, IN at Notre Dame.  There's something very weird about that...  

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Help for Haiti

LDS Humanitarian services is one of the best charities you can send your money to.  Not only do they NOT send in boxes full of food and religious tracts as some do, but 100% of your aid donation goes directly to aid. And administrative costs are paid from other sources.  Not too many charities can make that claim.  


Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Example of Parents

Mark and I have worked with youth in the church for years through the youth programs or Mark being Bishop.  One thing we have noticed is that good, faithful, active parents grow good, faithful active youth.  The opposite is also true.  If you want your kids to grow up and drop out of activity about age 14 (which seems to be the age many kids disappear), then be pretty inactive yourself.  They'll follow your example.


The most puzzling of all parental behaviors is the "do as I say, not as I do" parent.  These are hard because they will call the Bishop or youth leaders and whine and complain about their kids not wanting to go to seminary or mutual or on missions or anything else.  They WANT their kids to do all these things but the kids are turning it all into a big battle.  


Sometimes those calls come from the good, active and faithful parents.  But, more often than not, those calls come from the parents who are not really modeling the behavior they want from their kids.  



  • If you want your child to go to youth activities, then go to ward activities yourself.
  • if the Gospel is important, then don't let other things replace it like sports on mutual nights all year or early morning activities that keep them from seminary.  
  • If you want your child to think the temple is important, then attend it.
  • If you want your child to take seminary seriously and go, then have family scripture study in the home
  • If you want your child to learn to participate and magnify callings, don't call back and get him/her out of every talk, assignment or calling issued to them because they are "too busy".
  • If you want your child to think callings are important, magnify or just do your own
  • If you want the Sabbath to be honored, don't treat it like any other day yourself

So many times, parents who call the youth leaders or the Bishop about their children are not setting the example themselves.  They just want someone to "fix" their child.  They don't want to have to work at it themselves.


Our Stake President has a pretty strict set of standards for prospective missionaries.  They must essentially live like a missionary for 3 months before he will turn in their papers.  His rules include; no TV on the Sabbath, no worldly music and 3 months of 100% home or visiting teaching.  


At a stake RS meeting last year, he said he was surprised at how many prospective Elders told him it was REALLY HARD to avoid TV in their homes on the Sabbath.  My immediate thought was, "Why wouldn't those parents turn off that TV and help their sons prepare for missions?"  How sad.  He said some young men and women spent all Sunday afternoon in their rooms while their families watched football or movies or other shows.  If these parents WANT their son or daughter to serve a mission, then why aren't they supporting them in their preparation?  


I can't remember which General Authority said this at a Stake Conference 20+ years ago, but it made a HUGE impression on us.  He called this kind of "do as I say, not as I do" attitude, "Sloppy living of the gospel".   Parents need to set the example for the behaviors they want from their kids or they will get only what they model - kids who rise to the same level of commitment they do.  Sometimes parents blame the kids (and call their leaders for help) when, in fact, they need to think about how the kids learned to be casual about their activity in church.  


Last night, on the way home from the temple, Mark and I got talking about some family members who were never very active in the church.  Their adult children are not active at all (although they attended on Sunday growing up) and we expect their children's children to never set foot in the church.   None have married in the temple and most of their spouses are not members of the church.  We talked about how sad it was to essentially have a whole branch of our family tree pruned right our of our eternal family.  As we talked about this, we came to the conclusion that if neutral activity is the center point, wherever you fall above or below that, so will your kids.   Future generations may even magnify and take a step beyond you in the direction away from the mid-point.  It would be rare for someone from a completely inactive family to roar back into full activity.  Your parents teach you how important or unimportant the gospel is to your life.  


While their friends may have a strong influence on your children, you can too.  And, although they may walk away from the church once in a while and you may need some extra support to get them back on track.  At the end of the day, neither the Bishop, nor the youth leaders can undo the example you have set for your kids.  Something to think about next time you decide to skip a meeting...











Saturday, January 2, 2010

Art that Teaches

When my grandmother passed away about 10 years ago, the only thing I wanted was a piece of artwork which had hung on the wall as you entered her kitchen ever since I could remember.  It reminded me of her because it reminded me of being at her house.  Recently, I visited the home of a cousin and saw a piece of artwork that had been in HER mother's home for years.  Even though I was quite young when I last was in that home, I remembered that painting and where it had been hanging.

Art, like music, can have a big impression on our minds.  

If you were to visit our home, over half the artwork on our walls is related to the Gospel.  From the poster of the Sacred Grove in our entry to the painting of the temple we were married in to the 9 Be's over the fireplace in the family room.  Even upstairs is a poster in the hall that says, "All I Need to Know I Learned in Primary".  Right under it is a wooden plaque that says, "I am a child of God".  

Even the prints by Danish artist Mad Stage that hang over our fireplace in the living room are special to us because my husband served his mission in Denmark.  

Most of them mean very little to visitors in our home.  Occasionally, someone will ask about the temple painting or read the "Home Rules" by the front door or look at the photos adorning the mat around the large framed "Proclamation on the Family".  But most people just see it as artwork.  

We hope that our kids will remember these things in our home and that they reinforce the gospel-centric nature of it and that when they leave home someday, they will desire to either take some of our artwork with them or get their own.

Recently, we redecorated the bonus room and turned it from a playroom to a "Man Cave" for our adolescent boys.  It's a place for them to go hang-out with their friends.  The colors of the room are kind of a bright khaki green and chocolate brown.  In trying to decide what to put on the walls, we came across these VERY COOL "Real Hero" posters.  We ordered 6 of the large posters and today I framed them (thanks to Michaels for having their frames 40% off this week!) and put them upstairs.  While I was carrying them up, the non-LDS boy from across the street kept saying, "Who's that?"  Every time I came up with one, the boys told him the story.  They had a discussion about David and Goliath and Daniel and the Lions.  When I brought up the framed poster of Ammon, my boys filled the non-LDS boy in on ALL the gory details to which he responded, "COOL!!!"

Both of my boys want me to order more so they can put some up in their own rooms.  How can I say, "No"?  

There are many worthy works of art to adorn the walls of our home.  When I was growing up, there was very little in the way of LDS-themed art although there were many wonderful LDS artists.  I'm so happy that we can now easily and inexpensively cover the walls of our home with pictures that remind our children of the gospel and give them opportunities to share the gospel with their friends.  

I hope in the future, they will desire to take some of these paintings and pictures to their own home and that our grandchildren will have the same fondness and recollection of the things hanging on the walls in our home.