Self-Reliance

Mark and I went to a wonderful training last night on the Church Welfare System. The central point was that everything we do in the church with regards to temporal support should be with the aim of helping those members learn self-reliance. I think that's a principle that gets lost because the government welfare system doesn't do that at all.

On the way home, we determined that there are really three groups of people in the church who might need or want assistance:

1. Those who are normally self-reliant but have a very temporary issue they need help dealing with such as a job loss or illness
2. Those who have chronic needs due to their lack of knowledge or application of self-reliance skills - they need to be taught those principles in addition to receiving short-term financial help. They simply lack the skills they need to get out of their situation but have a desire to do so.
   
3. Those who simply have learned to be consumers of the world and have no interest in learning to "fish", they just want to eat.

There were several talks shown on a DVD at this training - Elder Hales spoke on self-reliance. I loved several things he said:

"Only when we are self-reliant can we truly emulate the Savior in serving and blessing others." This is so true - people who aren't taking care of themselves have a hard time serving others through visiting teaching or callings in the church. We can't be Christ-like when we are relying on others for our needs - physical or spiritual. He also said that "our ability to serve is increased or diminished by the level of our self-reliance."

He quoted President Marion G. Romney who said in 1982: "Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak."

Members of the church need to do all they can to be self-reliant which Elder Hales defines as, "taking responsibility for our own spiritual and temporal welfare". He also says part of self-reliance is also being able to care for those whom Heavenly Father has entrusted to our care. I would define that as our families (both immediate and extended) as well as those we are called to serve through Visiting and Home teaching and other callings. If we aren't prepared and can't take care of ourselves, then how can we ever take care of others. It's a bit like the emergency instructions you receive on an airplane prior to take-off. They tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.

This topic has been on our minds in our home even before we went to this meeting last night. First, because there are some challenges in our lives right now that are lightened greatly by the fact that we can say that we are self-reliant in nearly every way. We stay out of debt. We purchase extra food for storage. We save money. We rely on and show gratitude to the Lord. It's true that when you are prepared, there is very little to fear.

We have also been thinking about this because we have a child who is not very self-reliant. He is more apt to cast blame for his own poor actions and create a spirit of contention and frustration in our home while he does everything to avoid taking responsibility for his failings. We look at him at his age now and then think forward 25 years and we see an adult who isn't self-reliant and is unhappy but fails to see who's really at fault. So, we are working hard to help him change his ways. That has included some pretty harsh lessons recently, but we have had to make some serious impressions on him that HE has the power to change his situation. No one is inflicting his problems on him, he is bringing them on himself by making poor choices and he alone has the power to make his situation better.

We hope that at the end and through the tough love parenting, that we raise a young man who has the strength to work out his own problems and understand that what happens to him in life is a direct result of his own current or past choices.

I hope some of the talks we heard last night will make it into lessons and other magazines. They were very good and had some excellent reminders and points about taking care of ourselves and those around us who are unable to care for themselves. But, it also made the point that the goal of every member of the church should be to take responsibility for all aspects of their lives so that they might enjoy the peace and happiness that comes with such a choice.

I love this You Tube Channel

Deep Thoughts about Bishoprics

A friend said this to me about his LARGE family of 9. It made perfect sense to me for Bishops, too. Seriously, they want to do everything 5 minutes after you make the request, but sometimes, the phone call will take 3 days to get returned or the calling will take 3 weeks to get issued. That's just how it goes for most Bishops and their counselors.

There is so much to do and so little time to do it and still have a balanced life and not run faster than they have strength. At times, Mark is overwhelmed by everything he is SUPPOSED to be doing. It seems completely impossible but he does the best he can.

A Thought For Visiting Teaching

We are having our Visiting Teaching Conference next week and the theme is "Angels". I found this quote that I just love. It's truly the spirit of visiting teaching. We must embrace our partners and those that we visit in order to "fly".

Virtue and her sister, Modesty

As the mother of sons, I am concerned about virtue and modesty as much as a mother of daughters. My sons will date girls some day and I want them to choose girls that are much more than what they look like on the outside.

We half-jokingly tell our boys (they are still pretty young) that teen-age girls who feel that manicures and fancy hair-cuts are necessities of life are going to have a hard time being happy if you can't supply those things to them - especially while in college when you SHOULD be driving the $600 car and sitting on a couch from DI. High-maintenance girls make high-maintenance wives most of the time and that usually causes stress to their husbands as they try to keep up with wants that have seemingly been mistaken for absolute needs.

But, the modesty and virtue thing is so very important to the young men and young women of the church. Young women should respect their bodies enough to cover them appropriately and they should consider that it's hard for a young man to feel the Spirit when they are visually assaulted at church by tight fitting, short or low-cut dresses. Not that young women need to come to church dressed like Amish girls, but, they should consider how they would dress in front of the Savior if He were there that day. These young men hold the Priesthood - which is authority from our Heavenly Father. Should we not treat them with the same respect?

I have watched American Idol the last few weeks and "Bikini Girl" baffles me. Why would a young woman overtly use her body for gain in the way that girl did? In my opinion, she lacks self-respect.

Lately, there has been an explosion of bikini hut coffee places in our area. Some of them are even pushing the limits farther to the edge and wearing nothing but bikini bottoms and pasties. What would make a young woman want to work in a place where her body was the draw? Interestingly, a problem that has arisen is that a number of male flashers have been driving through these bikini huts. And, even more surprising is the outrage by the public and these baristsas that men are doing this. What's the girl in the window doing? She's flashing her body parts to please someone isn't she? How is that much different?

The Strength of Youth pamphlet is very clear about modesty and clothing standards:

Servants of God have always counseled his children to dress modestly to show respect for him and for themselves. Because the way you dress sends messages about yourself to others and often influences the way you and others act, you should dress in such a way as to bring out the best in yourself and those around you. However, if you wear an immodest bathing suit because it's "the style," it sends a message that you are using your body to get attention and approval, and that modesty is not important.

Immodest clothing includes short shorts, tight pants, and other revealing attire. Young women should refrain from wearing off-the-shoulder, low-cut, or revealing clothes. Young men should similarly maintain modesty in their dress. All should avoid tight fitting or revealing clothes and extremes in clothing and appearance.

As Latter-day Saint youth, you can also show respect for the Lord and yourselves by dressing appropriately for Church meetings and activities, whether on Sunday or during the week. If you are not sure what's appropriate, ask for guidelines from your parents, advisers, and bishop.

My hope is that my boys will seek after girls who know how to dress modestly AS WELL AS stylishly. There is nothing wrong with fashion, unless you lay your standards aside to be a slave to it. I want my boys to seek after girls who have the sure knowledge that they are daughters of our Heavenly Father and therefore, show him gratitude for their bodies by covering them appropriately as a sign of respect.

Enduring to the End

I love this BLOG ENTRY from Dr. Laura. What a great point of view. When Mark was in the hospital for 6 weeks the summer of 2007, I was never more depressed, scared and exhausted - especially the first 10 days when they didn't know what he had and didn't know if he'd live. The weeks after he got home were similarly taxing on me because it was like having a 200 pound baby in the house. He couldn't do anything or go anywhere without my help and they didn't know if he'd ever walk again. I had severe anxiety over the possibility of having a paraplegic spouse for the rest of my life due to a viral illness. It all seemed so unfair because it wasn't like he had done something stupid to cause his spinal cord injury.

On one occasion, I thought about getting some sleeping pills. On another occasion, I thought about anxiety and depression medication. But, something inside of me said, "You're tough. Tough it out." Prayer also helped as did my faith in the Priesthood blessing that Mark received that promised him very strongly that he would recover completely.

Even now, nearly 18 months later, I still have what could be called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome over the whole incident. I can hardly think about it without getting anxious and teary-eyed and a little fearful that it will happen again someday. But, a voice inside of me says, "He's fine... get over it"

I have often listened to Dr. Laura tell people that we have gotten to the point in society where we have the notion that we should not have to FEEL anything for more than 30 seconds. We cover our sadness, anxiety, grief, fear and anger with drugs that make us feel nothing at all - including joy and happiness. When we feel nothing, we don't have to deal with anything. Not that depression isn't a real condition. I just think a whole lot of us mistake depression for old fashioned emotions during temporary situations that we need to learn to deal with rather than medicating ourselves against. I think in those instances, prayer and a Priesthood blessing can do more to help us endure than a bottle of pills or a therapist's couch. If we have the faith to try.

There are some great talks on depression at LDS.org. You can see the list HERE.

Super Bowl {free} Sunday

We aren't watching the Super Bowl today. We are recording it and the kids will get to check the score in the morning before school so they can have "street cred" with all the boys at school who will be talking about who won.

I think the Second Coming will take place on a Super Bowl Sunday. And, I think many members of the church will be caught by surprise, in their football jersey with hot wing sauce dripping from their chins. They'll say, "But hey, we blessed the Seven Layer Taco Dip, doesn't that count for anything?!" And, if He comes before the final score, I imagine that there will be much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I love our Stake President. He purposely (I think anyway) plans Stake General Priesthood Meeting on Super Bowl Sunday every year. As a former Bishop said to me today, "It's a 'sheep' and 'goats' kind of thing." You should hear the moaning and complaining about it to Mark. Mark's answer is always, "It's your choice - your priesthood duty or the Super Bowl."

At our house, we are recording it and although it will have less excitement next week for our boys, they will still get to watch it. In fact, it will be better because we can buzz through all the boring, "standing around doing nothing" parts that Football games always have too much of.

At least our ward meets at 9am. Nobody had to cut out early for a "family obligation" or try to look at the score on their Blackberry without anyone seeing. If the Second Coming happens today, at least our ward can say, "Hey, we went to church first!"