My oldest son will be entering middle school this year. It's got me a little nervous as he's one of the youngest ones since he started school a year early.
The boy across the street will also be entering middle school and they are friends. I know that 6th grade boys are interesting creatures - the bodily noises make them giggle with delight. They love "fighting games" on the Wii and basically, they'd love to sit on the couch in front of the TV all day. I also notice that they are exploring their own "personal style".
As I see their friends get attitudes, start being rude, singing gross songs and swearing, we start thinking about the "Hill We Want To Die On". Is it hair-length? Is it allowing them to use words like, "Crap"? Is it letting them ride their bikes 3 blocks to a friend's house? Is it letting them see the PG-13 movie because all their friends are going together?
The problem is that any hill you climb, whether you choose to die on it or not as a parent, has a slippery slope down the other side. If we let them grow their hair "just a little" (as opposed to the short missionary hair cuts we have insisted on to this point), do they see a loophole in modesty? If we don't correct them every time they even use the word, "GOSH", do we risk them using the OTHER word with their friends at school? If we just roll our eyes when they sing a gross song or rip a big one, do we risk them becoming crass young men? I see a lot of hills in front of us, but I don't think I'm willing to just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh, well, I'll save the fight for the important stuff."
Case in point: last month a friend from school had a birthday party where they went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. The mom across the street wasn't overly pleased that her son was going to see the PG-13 movie but she let him go. Her response was, "I wish they WEREN'T going since we don't let J watch PG-13 movies. But, what can you do??" My response was to call the birthday boy's mom and politely explain that my kids are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies but that my son would LOVE to come to the Pizza place after the movie - what time shall I drop him off there? You know what happened? Nothing. There was no mocking cackle on the other end of the phone for me for being so "old-fashioned". There was actually an apology of sorts. She said, "We promised him he could do this for his birthday party before we knew what the movie was rated so I understand. You can drop him off at 6:30". My son was totally fine with it - in fact it was HIS suggestion to just attend the pizza part. None of the other boys made fun of him. He just showed up without explanation and acted interested when they talked about the movie. I was so proud. We had standards and we were consistent and he was fine with that.
Really, I don't have to die on any hill. I just have to teach my kids to stay off of them. It won't always be that easy, but I feel like our son knows what our standards are and as we're faced with challenges from growing boys, we hope that we can continue to be consistent and find creative ways to talk them down from those hills rather than us having to battle our way to the top and perhaps on to the slippery slope down the other side.
The boy across the street will also be entering middle school and they are friends. I know that 6th grade boys are interesting creatures - the bodily noises make them giggle with delight. They love "fighting games" on the Wii and basically, they'd love to sit on the couch in front of the TV all day. I also notice that they are exploring their own "personal style".
As I see their friends get attitudes, start being rude, singing gross songs and swearing, we start thinking about the "Hill We Want To Die On". Is it hair-length? Is it allowing them to use words like, "Crap"? Is it letting them ride their bikes 3 blocks to a friend's house? Is it letting them see the PG-13 movie because all their friends are going together?
The problem is that any hill you climb, whether you choose to die on it or not as a parent, has a slippery slope down the other side. If we let them grow their hair "just a little" (as opposed to the short missionary hair cuts we have insisted on to this point), do they see a loophole in modesty? If we don't correct them every time they even use the word, "GOSH", do we risk them using the OTHER word with their friends at school? If we just roll our eyes when they sing a gross song or rip a big one, do we risk them becoming crass young men? I see a lot of hills in front of us, but I don't think I'm willing to just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh, well, I'll save the fight for the important stuff."
Case in point: last month a friend from school had a birthday party where they went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. The mom across the street wasn't overly pleased that her son was going to see the PG-13 movie but she let him go. Her response was, "I wish they WEREN'T going since we don't let J watch PG-13 movies. But, what can you do??" My response was to call the birthday boy's mom and politely explain that my kids are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies but that my son would LOVE to come to the Pizza place after the movie - what time shall I drop him off there? You know what happened? Nothing. There was no mocking cackle on the other end of the phone for me for being so "old-fashioned". There was actually an apology of sorts. She said, "We promised him he could do this for his birthday party before we knew what the movie was rated so I understand. You can drop him off at 6:30". My son was totally fine with it - in fact it was HIS suggestion to just attend the pizza part. None of the other boys made fun of him. He just showed up without explanation and acted interested when they talked about the movie. I was so proud. We had standards and we were consistent and he was fine with that.
Really, I don't have to die on any hill. I just have to teach my kids to stay off of them. It won't always be that easy, but I feel like our son knows what our standards are and as we're faced with challenges from growing boys, we hope that we can continue to be consistent and find creative ways to talk them down from those hills rather than us having to battle our way to the top and perhaps on to the slippery slope down the other side.
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2 comments:
That was a great alternative to the movie! And so true with the hair issue. Skater hair is back in style and our Bishop has had to counsel with appropriate length/style to pass the sacrament. Truly if someone looks like Ralph the Sheep Dog do you look at his hair or think of the covenants from the sacrament? Same with BIG Sponge Bob ties!
Yes, our YM are asked to keep their hair short or they don't get the opportunity to participate in the sacrament prep or passing. Nothing should distract from the sacred nature of that ordinance.
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