The Iwon Wad...

Years ago when we were first married, there was a family in our ward with three little boys. It's a wonder those boys actually grew up - they spent their days trying to figure out how to kill one another. For example, the family was remodeling their old home and the dad had cut a big hole in the floor in the living room to access the crawl space. So, the oldest two put the toddler on a TV cart with wheels and wheeled him across the room into the hole where he plunged down into the crawl space and broke his leg. When asked why they did it, they said, "We wanted to know if the TV cart would fit in the hole." Okay, fine, but did you need to see if your brother would fit, too?

Anyway, I digress. One of the boys had a rather pronounced speech impediment. Mark had the same one when he was small. It was the dreaded "Elmer Fudd" pwoblem. He couldn't say his "R's". And, if you'd like to read this blog entry in "Elmer Fudd-Speak" just for fun, you can translate it HERE. Just pull down Elmer Fudd and put the domain of this blog in the box.

Again, I digress. Really, I have a point - and a spiritual thought, so stay with me! One Sunday, we were sitting in front of this family and the closing song was "The Iron Rod". The son with the speech problem was BELTING it out like Ethel Merman. Only it was coming out like this:

"Hold to the wod, the iwon wod
it's stwong and bwight and twue
The iwon wod is the wooowd of God
Twill safewy guide us thwooo!"

We got the giggles and could hardly finish singing. To this day, we can hardly sing that song without thinking of this little boy. He's like 24 now and I assume, like Mark, he is good with the R sound now.

So, a few months ago, at a stake meeting, our wonderful stake president decided to talk about that 1 Nephi Chapter 8 - Lehi's Dream. I am still thinking about his words - they made a profound impression on me.

There are three groups in the dream -

1. Those who held to the rod until the mist of darkness came. Then they fell away and were lost - they let go willingly. They never even got to the tree of life to taste the fruit.
   
2. Those who held to the rod until the mist of darkness came and then they pressed on CLINGING to the rod. They then partook of the fruit but then looked around ashamedly, as if they didn't REALLY believe in what was happening. Then, when others mocked them for doing that, they ditched it all and ran.
   
3. Those who held to the rod DESPITE the fact that people made fun of them for doing so. They just carried on and ignored the mockers and pointers - "they heeded them not". They just grabbed hold and kept going.
   

The group he talked most about was group 2. He said that those people were fine until they faced opposition in the mist of darkness. Then, they had to CLING to the rod. They could no longer merely hold on. They held on for dear life.

Think of someone CLINGING to a rope or ledge. The mental picture of CLINGING is someone desperately trying not to lose hold. Or, you cling to something because you are unsure of the path you are taking. He said you would think that by CLINGING to the rod that that group had the surest grip on it, but they were actually the weakest of those still holding to the rod. They were fragile and knew that if they didn't cling, they would let go.

Look what happened, they made it only to be ashamed and embarrassed to even be associated with the group of fruit eaters. Then, when times got tough and the others made fun of them for being with the fruit eaters, they bolted. "Hey, dude, what a LOSER. Nobody wants to hang out with a FRUIT EATER!"

For some reason, I had never thought about that middle group. I, probably along with most others, assumed that their clinging didn't really mean much except they were just trying really hard to get through the mist of darkness.

So, what areas do I "cling"? It has caused me reflect a lot on times when I cling and times when I just hold steady. Our testimonies are fragile things - especially in this world where us "fruit eaters" look like freaks at times to those in the great and spacious building. I see people around me clinging and some of them are holding on by their fingernails. My prayer is that I can help them lesson their grip but keep it strong that they will be happy to be known as a "Fruit Eater" when the world mocks them for it.

This Ain't Your Momma's Relief Society President!

Our Relief Society President ROCKS! Actually, she ROLLS, too! She is a petite Harley Ridin' Momma and it cracks me up! Who says women in the church have to be prim and proper?

I hear rumors that our Primary President loves a good ride on her husband's Harley, too. Now, if the Bishop could just convince HIS wife that he needs a bike (um, over somebody's dead body and it won't be mine), all those nasty parking problems at our church building would be alleviated (he's a giver...).

She's got a pretty important career and shows up professionally dressed to RS on Sundays. But on Saturdays, she's all about leather and doo-rags.

It's like some {not so} secret life. Ride on, Sister P!!!!

Actually, her husband (and my photo partner in crime) sent me an article yesterday about Harley Ridin' Mormons who rumble up to the temple on their bikes: LINK. I asked him if they were going to join the gang, but he said his rebel days are behind him. :-)

He Ain't Heavy...

Mark's oldest brother is battling ALS right now and his family is rallying around offering their time and resources to make his life comfortable. Tomorrow, he flies via air ambulance from Florida, where he was living, to Utah where he can be surrounded by family. Many scriptures come to mind about family and charity and love. But, this song says it all. He's my brother...

We love you, Dave!

Mormon Foodies

My husband was down in Florida visiting his brother last month and his sister happened to be there also. She made spaghetti one night and she commented that she made it all the time at home. Mark said, "We almost never have spaghetti". His sister was surprised that we didn't eat spaghetti so she asked him what we DID eat. He couldn't really think of anything off-hand but he finally said, "I dunno, we eat a ton of different things - probably not really normal stuff."

So, tonight, as we sat down to Vietnamese Fresh Spring Rolls with Thai Sweet Chili Sauce (which my small town Utah man loves), he was like, "Oh yeah, I should have told her we eat these a lot."

The older I get, the more of a foodie I become. Tacos, Spaghetti and anything in a casserole are rarely on my menu. You're more likely to find Jasmine Rice, Fajitas and Gnocchi. I rarely use vegetable oil anymore - I'm more likely to pour a fine grade olive oil in my pans when I cook.

A few of the things I make are:

• Baklava (you'd be surprised at how easy it is)
  
• Gyros
• German food (I love my version of Red Cabbage with Turkey Kielbasa)
• Philly Cheesesteaks
• Thai Noodle Salad
• Fajitas
• Danish food
• Panzanella (an Italian bread salad)
  
• Crepes
• Pesto
• Fresh salsa
• Couscous with roasted veggies
  
• Roasted Vegetable pasta sauce
  

The only really traditional thing I make on a regular basis is Funeral Potatoes with Ham in them. That's comfort food - potatoes and cheese and sour cream and ham! But, most of the time, I find something adventurous for dinner! I use my crock pot a LOT but even then, it's usually for unusual dishes like ham and cabbage.

N doesn't always mind it - he discovered California Rolls and loves them. But D HATES it. He needs a complete breakdown of every ingredient in any dish especially if there's anything remotely green in it.

Sometimes it's hard to take something to a ward potluck because I don't cook like everyone else. Sometimes I just go ahead and take the Thai Jasmine Rice Salad with Mint in an unmarked bowl and then keep my head down until people start complimenting it.

I think we are a culture of casseroles at times. Don't get me wrong- some of my VERY FAVORITE cook books are those from ward Relief Societies - that's comfort food at it's finest and those recipes have been handed down forever. But, I grew up in a "comfort food" home and Mark grew up in a poor home so we both ate a TON of noodles with some sort of saucy stuff over them.

Also, the older I get, the more my stomach rejects a lot of heavy food - so more often than not, I find myself using a lot of vegetables and light sauces. Now, if that would just translate into weight loss, all would be right with the universe. Like I said, I'm a foodie and that means a LOVE food. And therein lies the problem...

Movies

Probably 18 years ago, I heard a story - I think it was in the New Era - about movies (and really all media) that has become the "standard" at our house. It's a story about "One Bad Part". Have you ever watched (or read) something with just "one bad part"? Have you ever described a movie or book to a friend and said, "There's only one bad part in it"? I have done that countless times.

The story goes like this...

A father was weary of his teens always trying to get him to let them see something by saying, "But Dad, it's only got ONE BAD PART!" So, he decided to give them a very graphic example of this. One night for FHE (Family Home Evening), he told the kids he was going to make his special EXTRA THICK Milkshakes for dessert. At our house, it would be like Mark telling the kids he was going to make his Chocolate Chip Cookies (he makes the BEST ones ever!). The kids were excited for this treat. So, after the lesson, they all crowded in the kitchen to wait for Dad's yummy shakes. He made them extra thick with extra good ingredients. He got the first batch all done in the blender and then turned to his children and said, "I have a REALLY special ingredient tonight for these shakes!" Then, he unfolded a napkin on the counter, pulled out a dead fly and dropped it in the blender. Then he blended the shake one more time before pulling out the glasses and pouring it. Of course his kids thought he was nuts and there was NO WAY they were going to drink the shake with a dead fly mixed in it.

Guess what he said to them... "But kids, I don't know what you're so upset about. There's just ONE BAD PART. The rest is good!" Priceless...

A video from seminary comes to mind, too. I love it and really should try to track down a copy of it. It's got a young women all in white (pants and shirt) living in a completely white home - white couch, carpet, etc). Someone stops by who looks "shady" and at first, she refuses to let him in. But he convinces her to finally. He comes in and sits down and immediately, you see he has tracked footprints on the carpet. Then his briefcase starts to ooze black. Pretty soon, she and her home are covered with dirt. It's a great visual about being careful what you let in your home.

So, what do WE do at our house when it comes to movies? Mark and I don't watch anything we wouldn't let our kids watch. Not that they would WANT to watch it, but we keep it clean. Your kids get a mixed message when you say things like "it's a movie for grown-ups", or "it's not appropriate for children". N is too smart for that - he will immediately say, "Then why are YOU watching it if it's not good?"

One thing we have found and LOVE is Clearplay! The Clearplay DVD player filters movies! We don't use it to watch R-rated movies - we don't even use it to watch many PG-13 movies, but it takes anything out of the PG movies that we don't want to see. For instance, "ET" is great - except for "one bad part". With Clearplay - it's GONE! You hardly notice. Either the scene gets deleted or the movie goes mute for a second. Our kids know that if we won't let them see a movie in the theater because we are uncomfortable with the content, that they usually will be able to see it using the Clearplay later. And, when we bring a DVD home from the video store, they always ask, "Is there a filter for this?"

Like the music, I would LOVE to believe that our boys will always refuse to go to an R-rated movie with friends. But, I'm not sure they always will say, "Nope" when asked by friends. But, for now, they have a solid foundation on at least what our expectations are. And, when the come out of that movie that they know they weren't supposed to go to in the first place, I hope they will feel a little like the woman in the white house who opened her pure, clean self to filth.

Music

My husband and I both have iPods. Our sons LOVE to listen to our iPods. Consequently, we make sure the music ON the iPods is squeaky clean. It would normally be anyway, but I had to remove one song that contained another word for a "donkey's behind" in it. Basically, the rule at our house is that if the kids can't watch or listen, neither can the adults. In our view, the standards apply to US as well as the kids.

My husband grew up listening to the usual stuff - the '80's heavy metal (he finally admitted to owning an Air Supply tape, though!). The most we have around our house now is Journey. He put that aside a long, long time ago - well before we had children. The kids don't know that dad ever was an AC/DC fan.

As our sons grow, I have already practiced hollering up the stairs, "TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!!!" D loves it LOUD - and he's not even 10 yet. If he's going to like it loud, I hope it's at least good.

Here's what our boys LOVE to listen to! Mostly because this is what we've encouraged them to listen to and what we listen to ourselves. We are teaching by example:

• Harry Connick, Jr.
• ABBA
• A LOT of Weird Al (but even then, we are selective - it's not all good.) Their current fave is "White and Nerdy".
• Journey
• Funky Town (we could get terrorists to confess all sorts of things by subjecting them to the extra long version)
• Not Your Mother's LDS Music 2 (Alex Boye' is a true ROCK STAR at our house! Watch for him in the Mo-Tab Choir!)
  
• Janice Kapp Perry "Unplugged" (who says LDS music is stuffy? Rock out to "The Hallow of Thy Hand" in a way you never thought possible - and you'll never hear at a missionary farewell!)
  
• Josh Groban
• Jonas Brothers (please don't go "Britney" on us, boys!)
• Pretty much anything sung by the High School Musical Cast (You should hear Mark and I annoy them by singing "Soaring" in hideous voices)

My neighbor had Christian Heavy Metal blaring out of her garage the other day. Our boys came home because they didn't like it. Pretty soon I get a phone call assuring me that it was "okay" music because it was "Christian". Ummm, I don't think Jesus would like it even IF it's about him. I don't think people screaming His name over and over to a heavy beat is showing reverence. She said she bought it when she had her foster son. The boy's mother was sending him nasty music so she bought this as an alternative. I wondered why she just didn't say, "We don't listen to that type of music at our house." She missed a great teaching opportunity for a child who hasn't had anyone to teach him about standards.

At our house, the music and the feeling you get from it is as important as the lyrics. We talk often about how certain music makes you "feel" and our boys are great at identifying the "yucky stuff".

I'm not naive enough to think our kids will choose ABBA over some of the more current bands forever. But, what I hope is that they have learned enough about music to at least make some good choices in the future - that they will enjoy music and not just stuff their brains with any garbage their friends tell them to.

Swearing...

It's everywhere. My kids started to have to deal with it in about first grade when ANOTHER first grader on the bus used the Queen Mother of All Swear Words. How does a 6 year old pick up that word unless it's liberally used at home? And why would a parent use that word at all, let alone in front of their kids. I was walking through Target one day and a man was on his cell phone dropping the "S" word over and over and over while his 9 month old (looked about that old) daughter sat in the cart. I thought, "Wow, I bet that will be her first word!"

My boys are FANTASTIC Swear Busters! We are so proud of them. How many adults would be this bold? My husband is and I guess that while that 6 year old was learning the F (dash, dash, dash) word at HIS house, my boys were learning to "stand for truth and righteousness" at ours.

So, a few weeks ago, some new boys moved into the neighborhood. They have the "skateborder dude" look - long hair, baggy pants, stocking cap, etc. They decided to impress all the other "kids in the 'hood" with their exceptional knowledge of a variety of profane words.

About 15 minutes after meeting them, my boys came in the house. I asked them what they were doing and they said, "We met some new kids and thought they were REALLY nice, but all they do is swear so we told them we didn't want to play with them and came in." So, we had a little talk about what they COULD do instead of just running in the house. I suggested that they go back out and tell them that they needed to stop swearing if they wanted to play. So, guess what they did? They went back out and did just that.

The new boys, while not totally "angelic" in their behavior since then, have pretty much cleaned up their "potty mouths" for the most part. And, when they DO slip, they apologize to my boys.

Everyone in our neighborhood knows that the rule at our house is that if you swear, you go home. I usually warn them once but the second time, they're out the door. I know it annoys some mothers. But, then, they don't stop their kids from coming back the next day.

It's amazing how mindlessly people spew profanity most of the time. But, it's also amazing at how they at least attempt to clean up their act when asked to please not do it in your presence.

Try it sometime. It works!

Find A Ward!

We received a call yesterday from someone who bought a house in our area and THOUGHT they might be in our ward. Our ward is confusing because it's named after a city, yet, most of our ward doesn't live in that city. So, anyone with an address in that city thinks they belong in our ward. It causes a lot of confusion.

After looking the address up, we determined they were in the other ward that meets in our building.

We found out which ward they were in by going to maps.lds.org! It's the best thing EVER! No longer do you have to make calls to find out what ward you're in when you move! You can just type in your address and you get both the wards nearby AND the ward that address is assigned to. And, if there's a foreign language or young single adult ward nearby, you'll get that information, too!

It's great for vacations! We always try to hit a sacrament meeting on vacation and this makes it really easy to find a ward!

I LOVE the church's internet site - LDS.org. There are so many useful tools on there. I just wish more people would use it. Our ward is trying to make our ward website more informational by adding photos of all the families in the ward to the directory and putting news and information there as well as calendar items. Yet, I'm always surprised at the people who say, "I don't even have a log-in". It's easy - you just ask your ward clerk for your membership number and then you can register.

White Shirts and Zipper Ties

Since my boys have entered nursery at church at 18 months, they have worn a white shirt to church. Sometimes the tie doesn't make it to church with us, but the white shirt always does.

Such a simple thing to do. White shirts are like $8 at Walmart and nice slacks are about $10. It doesn't cost very much, but it make a huge difference in the way they feel about Sunday.

My boys know that Sunday is different - they do different things, they wear different clothes. They also know that white shirts are the "Uniform of the Priesthood" and that dad has never worn any other color to church. I believe it's part of the "train up a child the way he should go..." philosophy. Sunday clothes and activities are different - it's a day of worship and there is something to "Sunday Best" at our house. And, those little zipper ties are WAY COOL!

The Laws of Physics

Let me preface this by saying that N is a highly capable child. I say this not to brag, but to add insult to injury in the story I'm about to tell.

We have a small trampoline in our back yard (as many LDS families do). Our boys have almost outgrown it but they can jump on it one at a time. D came running in the house one day to tell me that his brother was hurt "really bad". I ran outside (okay, I walked - "really bad" often means nothing) to find N laying on the ground holding his head. Beside him is a rather large flat boulder (not a rock, but a boulder). I said, "What happened?!" Through tears he said, "I was jumping on the trampoline holding the rock over my head and it hit me on the head." It took me a few seconds to compose myself enough to say, "Oh, how bad are you hurt." I'm glad he was still lying on the ground holding his head and couldn't see me struggling not to burst out laughing. When I determined he would live and that the top of his head wasn't as flat as the boulder, I bolted for the back door and burst into laughter the minute I got in the house.

Gravity... it will get you every time.

Later, I let Mark explain how holding a heavy rock over your head while jumping on the trampoline was not a good idea. Isaac Newton would have laughed, too.

The Bishop Isn't Superman

As the wife of a Bishop, I sometimes find myself wishing that people wouldn't look at him as Superman. He had a conflict this week between two activities. One, was going away to celebrate our anniversary - something we didn't get to do last year because he was extremely ill and in the hospital for 6 weeks. The other was being at the "Bishop's Night" at Girls Camp.

We had it all planned out how we could do BOTH. We chose a place to go away that was within an hour of where Girl's Camp has always been. The day before Girl's Camp started, he found out that it was actually going to be several hours in the other direction this year. The Stake YW's presidency had neglected to tell the Bishop's this in the planning and so they were ALL surprised by this little bit of information.

So, he chose to go with me because of what happened a year ago and the fact that we missed our annual anniversary trip. He arranged for another Bishop (whose ward our youth meet with anyway and who knows our youth well) to take cookies to the girls with his apologies. It was all worked out that the other Bishop would preside over both groups.

And, there was backlash for him not showing up.

I just want to say, your Bishop is not superman. He will not always be able to be at every activity and event. He has a family. He has a job and he has his calling. The calling takes priority most of the time. He's missed school concerts and family outings because of it. He's been called away on a Friday night in the middle of a DVD to counsel with someone. We try very hard to never make him feel guilty about these times. He goes as often as he possibly can. But once in a very tiny while, he lets his family take priority.

Please don't ever fault him for that or complain or gossip about it. He's one man doing the best he can to serve the Lord and his family.

Picking the Hills I Want to Die On

My oldest son will be entering middle school this year. It's got me a little nervous as he's one of the youngest ones since he started school a year early.

The boy across the street will also be entering middle school and they are friends. I know that 6th grade boys are interesting creatures - the bodily noises make them giggle with delight. They love "fighting games" on the Wii and basically, they'd love to sit on the couch in front of the TV all day. I also notice that they are exploring their own "personal style".

As I see their friends get attitudes, start being rude, singing gross songs and swearing, we start thinking about the "Hill We Want To Die On". Is it hair-length? Is it allowing them to use words like, "Crap"? Is it letting them ride their bikes 3 blocks to a friend's house? Is it letting them see the PG-13 movie because all their friends are going together?

The problem is that any hill you climb, whether you choose to die on it or not as a parent, has a slippery slope down the other side. If we let them grow their hair "just a little" (as opposed to the short missionary hair cuts we have insisted on to this point), do they see a loophole in modesty? If we don't correct them every time they even use the word, "GOSH", do we risk them using the OTHER word with their friends at school? If we just roll our eyes when they sing a gross song or rip a big one, do we risk them becoming crass young men? I see a lot of hills in front of us, but I don't think I'm willing to just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh, well, I'll save the fight for the important stuff."

Case in point: last month a friend from school had a birthday party where they went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. The mom across the street wasn't overly pleased that her son was going to see the PG-13 movie but she let him go. Her response was, "I wish they WEREN'T going since we don't let J watch PG-13 movies. But, what can you do??" My response was to call the birthday boy's mom and politely explain that my kids are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies but that my son would LOVE to come to the Pizza place after the movie - what time shall I drop him off there? You know what happened? Nothing. There was no mocking cackle on the other end of the phone for me for being so "old-fashioned". There was actually an apology of sorts. She said, "We promised him he could do this for his birthday party before we knew what the movie was rated so I understand. You can drop him off at 6:30". My son was totally fine with it - in fact it was HIS suggestion to just attend the pizza part. None of the other boys made fun of him. He just showed up without explanation and acted interested when they talked about the movie. I was so proud. We had standards and we were consistent and he was fine with that.

Really, I don't have to die on any hill. I just have to teach my kids to stay off of them. It won't always be that easy, but I feel like our son knows what our standards are and as we're faced with challenges from growing boys, we hope that we can continue to be consistent and find creative ways to talk them down from those hills rather than us having to battle our way to the top and perhaps on to the slippery slope down the other side.